In three years I cut through so much drama. I had the knee pain, the shoulder pain, and the hip pain and the “I can’t move I just want to stay in bed and eat chocolate” muscle pain.

Mostly, I had to cut through the internal resistance. I felt guilty all the time: my kid was sick at home, my colleagues were still at work while I went to the gym, I did not join my husband for lunch… I reasoned myself to keep doing it. My resistance took a million creative ways: too cold, too hot, too snowy, I’m tired, I’ll do it tomorrow, the music is too loud, I don’t like the instructor, I’m frustrated, I’ll never be able to do this.

I added a tiny bit at a time and moved on. I dropped it and took it back. I asked for help and tried to find buddies. I took new things and dropped them.

Finally, sick of gym hopping, I signed up for a whole year with a new gym without even trying it. It was a kickboxing place and I liked the kickboxing day at another gym. It had to work. It was convenient, had lots of options and would cost me just as much to go there once a month or every day.

The first five weeks were brutal. I remember by the fourth week I told a friend I don’t understand why I don’t start feeling better after all this time. And then, one day, I noticed I felt good walking back to my car after class. And the stairs at home were easy. And I could do more than restorative and beginner’s yoga.

One day in the garden, I had to take a tricky back step so I won’t step on plants. I did it with an ease that surprised me.

You know that awkward time when you have bags of groceries and need to find a way to also close the car trunk so you won’t have to do two trips? I put the bags down, closed the trunk and then easily squatted to pick them up (yay, protect your back!).

One thought on “The Process

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